When the laughter dies

I'm in shock. Usually when you hear the news that a celebrity has passed away, you shake your head and say things like, "what a shame". Yes, people are sad, mostly the family and close friends. But this time it's different. This time, it hit close to home, even though I didn't personally know Robin Williams, he and I shared something. Depression. It's an ugly word and no one likes to talk about it, there is still such a stigma about that word. When I heard the news, I cried. Cried people, over a man I had never met, but respected immensely. Someone who never failed to make me laugh. It's still hard to explain why it would hit me so hard, but then I read on another person's blog about triggers. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been struggling with depression for over 10 yrs. I've been on and off anti depressants for years, but finally after the birth of my first child, I was able to get off them for several years. When Jackson was born, I was extremely happy, but soon after he was having medical issues and then I lost my job and just felt hopeless. I knew it was time. Other than my kids, nothing made me smile anymore. I was grumpy and grouchy all the time and I knew I had to do something. So I went back on my "happy pill" and honestly, it's the best decision I ever made. I am able to keep my emotions in check and not blow up over little things.
The things that strikes me the most about his passing is everyone's reaction. He made you feel like you knew him. So many people have said the same thing, like it was a friend that had passed. I am praying for his loved ones during this difficult time as they will never understand why, like so many of us. Depression lies. It tells you things that aren't true, like, maybe the world would be better off without you. And, who is it really going to affect anyway. I only hope that in some way Robin knew how much he was adored by millions and that just watching one of his movies or his stand up could totally change your mood.
Rest in peace sweet Robin.