Sunday, August 09, 2009

It ain't easy being queasy...

Ok, I will warn you now. This post might be a little depressing and a little dark. So this pregnancy has proved to be the absolute opposite of when I was pregnant with Makayla. I mean, total 180 here people. That pregnancy was the ultimate perfect pregnancy that every mother dreams of. I had no nausea, no pain, no weird symptoms, nothing! Except for the birth, which I detailed out in a previous post, you could not have asked for a better pregnancy. I prayed that the next time I got pregnant, lightning would strike twice and I would have another great pregnancy. Alas, I was not so lucky. I have been nauseous, sick, and just utterly feeling horrible. If it's not one thing, it's another and every day something doesn't feel good in my body. I know I sound whiny, and I apologize, but this just sucks! Eating is a chore because every time I eat, I feel like throwing up afterwards, no matter what it is. I've tried eating bland stuff, and even salt free things, but nothing seems to be helping. Now I do have days where I feel better, but not discomfort free. It is slowly consuming me and making it very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know in my heart that this will end when the baby comes, but what seems like a relatively short time feels like an eternity. I know when school starts, time will go by faster since I will be very busy, but it's still hard to feel the joy.
The hardest part is that I rarely even think of the baby growing inside me. Yes, I know how bad that sounds and trust me, it hurts me to no end. It's not because I don't want to think of the baby, it's just hard to when my body is constantly causing me stress and it consumes my thoughts. We are excited to have this baby, I just wish my body would cooperate a little bit. I know I can't expect to feel 100% better, but it would be nice to not think about the discomfort every waking minute. I think it's also hard because I haven't yet been to the OB. I have my first appointment in just 2 weeks and I am really excited about it. I think hearing that heart beat and seeing the baby on the ultrasound might give me some renewed hope and strength. Until then, I am left to just pray and do what I can to relieve my discomfort. My school meetings start this week and I can only hope it will provide a distraction and let me concentrate on this precious baby growing inside me.